It is like a zombie film around here – body parts falling off. Eamon lost two teeth in the past couple of weeks and there is something about that process that grosses me out. First it’s the wiggly tooth thing (ew…) and then all of a sudden you move into the crooked tooth phase, and then teeth suddenly fall out. Yuck.
A couple of years ago, Owen lost one of his front teeth by accidentally snagging it on my white shirt because it was so loose. In addition to the fact that I looked like part of a crime scene for the rest of that day out on the town, there is just something inherently gross about having a tooth so lose that it can get snagged on a shirt.
When Eamon lost his first front tooth a couple of weeks ago, we had a failed parenting moment when we forgot to put the money under the pillow from the Tooth Fairy that night. Having the Tooth Fairy fall down on the job is only slightly better than having the Easter Bunny no-show, but only slightly (ummmmmm……Ma?). Anyway, I’ve devised a slacker parent guide to dealing with the inevitable disappointment when the Tooth Fairy is on hiatus. Here it is:
1) When the toothless child runs into your bedroom in the morning screaming that Tooth Fairy didn’t come, try not to wallow in the parenting self-doubt that you’ve failed in your role again.
2) Quickly jump out of bed dig out some change from your pants pocket from yesterday and offer to search the room with the toothless child.
3) Once you get into the toothless child’s bedroom, throw the change behind the bed in a stealth manner and then say, “Oh, I found the money! It was hiding behind the bed. It must have fallen out from under your pillow.”
4) Feel proud of your ability to outsmart your child again, until the toothless child points out that the tooth is still under the pillow, which goes against all Tooth Fairy conventional wisdom (tooth goes away = money is left).
5) Try not to blush as you make up a small fib about the Tooth Fairy being so busy last night she must have forgotten to take the tooth.
Luckily for us, French culture has saved us from going down in history as terrible parents. When I was talking to my friend about my Tooth Fairy ineptitude she told me that in France there is no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, but instead they have a Tooth Mouse who visits toothless children and leaves money.
After school that day I told Eamon about the French Tooth Mouse and his response was, “Oh….now I know why my tooth was still under my pillow. A tooth would be way to heavy for a little mouse to carry. That story you told me before about the Tooth Fairy being too busy didn’t make any sense.”
Note: Don’t take parenting advice from me.